London house prices have topped an average of £500,000 for the first time. The news comes despite the previous speculation that Brexit and the rise of homeworking would lower house prices closer to the affordable range.
Many young people may never own a home if this trend continues, as house prices now more than outstrip the maximum mortgage the average Londoner can receive.
It is time to fight back. Not through advocating for community-led urban planning, but through something far more fun. It is time to bring back marrying rich.
From now on, marrying for love is a luxury only people like Cher can afford. For the rest of us, it must be the last resort. We must blag our way into every conference, jewellery auction, and private park we can find until we come across a suitable companion.
How to meet the rich? Follow these three steps.
This guide is not intended solely for straight women. The guys, gays, and theys are all welcome to follow along.
1. If you are not in London, move.
Even in a world of Tinder plus and Zoom dates, proximity is vital. No one can come between you and Mr Right if you are physically in their way. Nearly all the top ten most lucrative areas are in or near London, so be sure to get there as soon as Covid restrictions allow.
The keen-eyed reader may have noticed that number 5 on the list is not in or near London. Number 5 is East Renfrewshire, an area just outside of Glasgow. East Renfrewshire boasts two rival golf clubs next to each other and this street view image, which managed to capture a Labrador in motion. Worth keeping in mind if you are nearer the area.
However, this author has only ever visited Edinburgh, which, as she understands from residents elsewhere in Scotland, is “shite” and “basically not even Scotland”. If anyone is keen to invite her to the "real Scotland", particularly East Renfrewshire residents, do get in touch.
2. Target men aged 40-49.
According to earnings data, readers should aim for a male aged 40-49 to maximise revenue. Adjust app settings accordingly. For those who have not recently seen a man aged 40-49, below are some pictures for reference:
3. Ensure your match has a top-paid job.
Once you begin swiping, do not sell yourself short. The top ten best-paid professions in the UK genuinely offer something for everyone. For the adventurous, the train driver. For those who prefer to see their spouse only occasionally, the medical practitioner. And, for those who miss the consistency of school and are overwhelmed by adult life, the headteacher.
Of course, readers could educate themselves on the systemic barriers young people face in accessing housing and advocate for change. But these things move slowly. In the meantime, there is no harm in wandering the streets of Bromley looking for a dashing IT director.
If one had the choice, would you recommend two 30-year-olds or one 45-year-old?